Asking for help makes you strong
"Tough times create strong men, strong men create easy times. Easy times create weak men, weak men create tough times…"
G. Michael Hopf, Those Who Remain, 2016
It's confronting to see the times we live in. After a long period where society seemed to be doing quite well, we are entering a time that appears more difficult, tougher, and more resilient. A period where we face challenges that demand more than what we've previously encountered. This is at least challenging and, in some cases, simply impossible to grasp all at once. I don't think that's what's required; to answer a question correctly all at once or to immediately know how to take the right action. It's about embracing the question, understanding where it originated, and answering from that foundation. This can also mean that the initial response to a question is: "…I don't know, I need to look it up, I'll get back to you." I believe this is a very elegant response to give, as it shows your intent to answer but also acknowledges the current impossibility of doing so. This phrase, which I first heard from my administrative law professor Mr. B.K. (Ben) Olivier at the University of Amsterdam, seems more fitting now than ever.
"…I don't know, I need to look it up, I'll get back to you"
Many short and not-so-short video clips regularly come across my feed on LinkedIn, YouTube, and other social platforms, featuring people like Pieter Omtzigt. An advocate(?) for the right free and honest word. Or is that just how it seems? It's fascinating to see how Mr. Omtzigt shows relentless energy to connect content and process to arrive at honest answers. Okay, and then I look a little further. By making a superficial judgment based only on what I see, I could easily become blinded. Because who voted at the time for a lenient benefits system? Voted some time later for a rigid fraud approach and is now fighting for relief? Exactly, that is one and the same person. I don't see it as right or wrong. I think this action-oriented politician also wished for the best and couldn't foresee the far-reaching and impactful consequences of the legislation; I hope this from my positive outlook. It would be hugely disappointing if it were otherwise.
But okay, his current stance is good. Good to tackle the mistakes with such significant impact and try to solve them! It would be even better if he also indicated what role he himself played in seeking the right behavior, but I find his action-oriented approach to solving the mess commendable!
Okay, now look at the whole picture like the benefits scandal, the subsidence in Groningen, the nitrogen issue. What seems to be happening there? What causes the polarized camps in the Netherlands? The lack of clear answers is at the root of this. Do you remember the words "I have no active memory of that"? It's an answer that I don't think I would ever have come up with to say. What are you even saying here? Why not just state that the questioning has made you realize you've made wrong turns in your choices. Haven't made decisions that lead to the right result. Decisions that don't have the right societal impact.
If I make a mistake that someone points out to me, I make sure to reflect on my behavior and come up with a proposal on how I can do better. If I then honestly answer how I did it wrong and how that came to be, and they still want me to carry out my approach; only then can you speak of the support a leader needs.
In the current times, many words are given back to a question, but no answers. Answers that might not even need to cover the full scope of the question, but do indicate how determined one is to reach an answer. I haven't heard any politician in recent times clearly say: "You have a very valid question, your questioning sharpens my determination to find out what the answer should be. I find it very difficult that I can't give you that answer right now because I simply don't have the knowledge yet, and that makes me uncertain. However, I will now seek the right factual account, inform you about it, and come up with appropriate steps to … etc." That would be very nice, but it doesn't happen. Hardly any follow-up questions are expressed. Many people (and I'm not just referring to politicians, but also high-ranking leaders in organizations, etc.) don't indicate that they don't have an answer yet. Apparently, this is seen as a sign of weakness. But why?
In many situations where such answers are absent, I don't hear the man or woman being asked for answers say: "I don't know, I need to look it up, I'll get back to you" and then come back well-prepared! Because just saying: "I'll take that with me, I'll get back to you" shows little eagerness to attempt to come to a correct answer. And this would be good. Indicate where you lack information, lack options for action based on your experience, lack the right answer to express your embarrassment, lack because you are simply also just a human being who doesn't need to know everything now and then. That's not what it's about; knowing everything. A good leader doesn't need to know everything! A good leader only knows how to honestly, authentically, and decisively indicate where they don't have an answer at that moment. Followed by the approach of how they will ensure they have an answer and proposed approach within a reasonable time to present it.
Realize that you often draw from your experience. Those moments you haven't experienced before are not part of that experience. It's not about your practical experience, but about the ability to be adaptable and, with the same openness (as when you were still working hard towards more experience at the very beginning), gain experience and find your path to success.
Would you like to take a moment to look in the mirror with me and discuss this? You know where to find me.
Best regards,
Jeroen is the founder of Leiders Inzicht and writes blogs where he shows with a touch of humor and many practical examples how leadership and culture intersect.