Communicating with an open mind

Communication in our time is fleeting. Often, we don't reach the depth needed to continue communicating with the right interpretations. Relationships get damaged, sometimes even disrupted, and we often don't achieve our desired results. This is largely driven by assumptions; our communication and language are saturated with them. We assume too much, are not genuinely curious, and lack enough wonder.

Do you recognize a conversation like the one below?

>> Hi, good morning, how are you?

<< Hi Jeroen, yes, I'm good, thank you. Did you end up having a nice dinner last night?

>> Ha, yes, it was delicious. It ended up being quite late. But we had such a great time!

<< Ah, that's great, everything worked out well then!

Etc etc..

A conversation like the one above, even though it's just a fragment and an example, already contains all sorts of assumptions. That doesn't have to be a problem, of course. You pay attention to each other, engage in a social chat, and that fosters a positive attitude back and forth.

It becomes much more challenging when the words you speak no longer convey the right meaning. Or worse, when the words you speak are misinterpreted because they carry the wrong connotation. The things we are told lead to interpretations within ourselves. Perhaps you remember a situation where you thought you understood a particular phrase the same way, but it had a different meaning for the other party than it did for you.

You don't know

The emergence of misinterpretations stems from the beliefs from which we act. Over the years, you have gained various experiences, and these experiences influence how you listen, how you form words and sentences, and how you give them meaning. Because not everyone has the same background and experience, there is a difference in the value you assign to words. This causes words to be interpreted differently.

"The only thing I know for sure is that I know nothing."
~ Socrates, Athens 470-400 BC

It doesn't have to be a problem to assign different values to words. For example, it's not an issue if you respond to the question "did you have a nice dinner" with "yes, it was delicious". If that gives a different level of appreciation for the meal than you would give, that's not a problem. After all, it's small talk and doesn't have further consequences for impactful decisions.

But if you tell a bank "we're almost there" referring to meeting a standard the bank has set, and they interpret the same phrase as "you're almost there" with a much smaller financial gap remaining than actually exists, then you have a problematic situation.

What is wise?

When discussing matters that have an impact, it is wise to give the same meaning to definitions. This makes it very important to remain continually curious and open in your conversation. This way, you can recognize when you need to ask clarifying questions. Only by doing this can you align on the content. You'll find that it becomes easier to have a conversation where differences in content are no longer problematic. You can better understand why there is a difference in content, and perhaps this clarity will lead you to adopt the other person's viewpoint. At the very least, you'll be better able to follow their perspective. The support for decisions will then increase, among other things.

Being more curious and open in your conversation will bring less disruption and damage to your relationship. You'll find that you can have much stronger discussions that are less likely to lead to unintended effects. The results you aim for with your communication will also increase.

Starting this immediately and leaving old behaviors behind is not always easy. It's not a switch you can just flip; it takes time. If you're struggling with this and need help, I can assist and coach you or your organization.

Feel free to ask me about the possibilities!

Best regards,