Be your authentic self!
Some experiences initially make you feel uncomfortable, but later provide insights you wouldn't want to miss. Often, they can strengthen your character. I'd like to share my latest 'uncomfortable' moment because I think it's interesting to see how it can affect you as a person and as a leader.
Besides my work, I enjoy contributing to society in ways other than just through paid work. For that reason, I also hold supervisory roles. Although I'm not currently in a supervisory position due to the end of my last role, I was recently in discussions about a new position. It was a good conversation in itself. I was facing five other people who formed the selection committee.
It's important to know that my demeanor is often described as 'energetic.' To use trendy office terms, I'm more of a 'spark plug' than a 'valve puller.' I love what I do. I also make explicit choices to - where I have a choice - not take on too many things that drain more energy than they give. I once paid a high price for this in terms of health, and now I'm keen on the happiness I derive from my choices. This makes me interested, enthusiastic, and lively in the conversation.
This conversation was no different. Time passed, and yes, there came the (for me, familiar) question: "Are you always this energetic?" Actually, when this turn arises, I might be better off ending the conversation because I know our wavelengths are diverging too much to create good chemistry. However, I often find it not very classy to cut off the conversation. In my view, I would then be taking control of a conversation arranged by someone else. And mind you, it could also just be a remark to provoke me. So, I concluded the conversation neatly, and the next day I received a call. The first sentence from the lady tasked with delivering the message on behalf of the selection committee began directly with "Unfortunately, I don't have good news for you, Jeroen," to which I replied that I had already expected this. I explained to her why I had this thought. I referred to the previous (for me, familiar) sentence about being in good energy.
After some flattering words from her about my 'good' resume, having the right skills and expertise, she concluded with, "Oh Jeroen, if I may give you some advice. It might be helpful if next time you slightly adjust your energy in light of who you're facing." Thank you very much, but no, I explicitly don't do this. In communication with my conversation partners, I already make choices regarding how to approach the conversation, my word choice, the complexity of the storyline, etc. If I also have to adjust my energy, it would mean wearing a mask, and people wouldn't get to know 'Jeroen.' That energy is a fundamental part of who I am.
The quirky thing about her remark was that at the end of the conversation, when I asked her, "How did you find the conversation, and did you recognize me as you got to know me and why you suggested me?" she replied, "Absolutely, you were completely yourself, precisely the reason why I suggested you." Her advice is therefore extra arbitrary. She already knew the organization in advance and could have assessed the (as Aristotle beautifully called it) dunamis; the convergence of energies that result in 'chemistry.'
What does this have to do with leadership?
Be yourself. Stay authentic in your behavior. You can be a spark plug or a valve puller. One is not right, and the other is not wrong. It is who you are and where your preference for behavior lies. If you deviate too far from your natural stance, you are no longer yourself. Then your behavior will stand out as inauthentic, and that works against developing a good collaborative relationship. Let alone that it promotes good results. This is precisely what has everything to do with leadership. Know who you are, what you stand for, and how you can consistently be yourself. This way, the message you convey is reliable, and people know what to expect from you.
A conversation that initially left me feeling a bit uncomfortable becomes just a confirmation of who I am. The reflection thus gains an additional place within the choice of who I am and how I behave. Being authentic is the key to successful actions. Making far-reaching behavioral choices based on what people expect from you does not provide that key.
Does this raise questions for you, or are you afraid that I'm a bouncing ball? Don't hesitate to ask questions about my references; they will be able to tell you whether I'm only that spark plug or if I can 'quite nicely' manage my energy and its alignment.
Warm regards,
Jeroen is the founder of Leiders Inzicht and writes blogs where he shows, with a touch of humor and many practical examples, how leadership and culture intersect.